GersonCurse does America

And that's all she wrote...

2005-08-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

We made it!!! A full 4 1/2 wks of sheer mayhem. It's wierd to be out of the car. It seems like we never left, except for the loss of muscle...It's hard getting up the stairs.

Final Tallies!

FREEE!!! We got..
Comic-Con (thank you ANDY)
Beer! (Thank you DeShutes!)
Internet
Gift Baggies

Total times pulled over: 2
One warning, one speeding ticket

Total sketchy nights: 1
Soda Springs...slept with the maglite in hand. (remember the roaming dogs? Fun times.)

Total Hostels: 2
San Fransico, Chicago
Hotels: 3
Vegas, Twin Falls, Cheyanne

States: 23 (not including denial)

Animal Attacks:
Coyotes in Texas and Utah
Giant Spiders in AZ
Roaming doggies ID and PA
Goats & Emus in Utah
Jackelope & Bison in SD
Cows EVERYWHERE!!

Lady Truckers: Only 2! (including large marge)

Total mileage: approx... 11,000!!!!! (it got a bit fudged on the LAST day!! Diana "MY BAD!")

Thanks to everyone we met and stayed with! You guys were AWESOME!! and those posted comments were like a breath of homey air. AHHH! So refreshing.

It's real, cause I'm keeping it real.

HEART Esti & Diana xoxoxo

Dino Park in Utah...You should have seen the lazer show!

"This was the fryer basket"... the worlds most "WONDERFUL" tourguide. Full of fun and insights. Also see * crazy people that lived in a rock.

Found Porn in Arches National Park (It's a national park for god sakes!)

Yes, we ventured to the wire dome-ball. And no, there were no guardrails or stability. We think we peed a little on the way down. (Rain + metal = VERY slippery)

Beef and Pie Rule!

LeLand and Josh. Our 2 partners in crime.

STURGIS BIKE RALLY! Sigh...we left our hearts as well as our future bikes there.

60' biker, codename "Jolly Green Giant" . We kid you not. He had full leather wear. Brocolli will never taste the same.

Stealth photo taking

HOUSE IN THE ROCK, WISONSCIN. GO THERE. NOW. only a FEW pictures, couldn't get the whole thing... must keep walking... must see everything... too many... circus...dolls...head explody...gahhhhhhh.....

(notice the child's animal morphing... I ask you, do his parents know?)

MARYLAND!! and only at 3AM! Straight from Chicago. Piece of cake.

Good God Almost 10,000 Miles...WTF?

2005-08-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

Oy jeez, we just looked back and see we haven't updated since Idaho. OMG. Well since then we hit up the Mormon State commonly known as Utah. If you all remember back to Oregon we met Sean and he told us if we were going to be near Salt Lake we should drop by his friends place that live in Alta (a ski bum town of 400 right outside the city). We odds or evensed it and decided to go. The guys, MJ and Altie, had the sweetest pad! Over the summer rent is super cheap and they had this huge ski chalet style apartment. The told us the place to go was Park City and that if we went to a bar called O Shucks we should ask for the Wookie. So follow this..we met sean in oregon 3 days before who told us to go see his friends MJ and Altie and they told us to go ask for this guy the Wookie...ahh six degrees of seperation. Anyway, we went to the bar and got one of the best burgers ever and a fishbowl sized beer. Think Friday's smoothie drinks. They give you all this booze for cheap but then the kicker is that since its Utah the alcohol content can't be above 3.2. Little different after coming out of Oregon. While at the bar we met Chris, a chatty guy in town on business. We needed a place to stay for the night so he suggested the hotel up the street. Unfortunately once we got there it was closed..as where all the other hotels. It was 9pm.

Next day: Colorado

Cold and rainy when we got there. We camped out and the ranger told us that night had gotten down to 43 degrees. Yeah, we noticed!

Stops the next day included our favorite anti-state government castle builder, Jim Bishop for Bishops Castle. Scariest welded tower stairs ever. The were made out of gratting. M&D do not go there! Afterwards we tried to see Pikes Peak, at 14,000 feet the tallest point on the Continental US, but we were foiled by fog and snow.

Onto Nebraska:
Chimeny Rock. The most photographed rock in the states. Its a rock. It looks like a chimeny.

Carhenge. AWESOME! We wish this would happen at our family reunions.

South Dakota (and we're up to date! yay!)
Who knew that SD could be so cool?? we didn't! We stayed the night in Hot Springs where we got a steak dinner for 6.95 and then went drinkin in a biker bar called The Bar. It turns out that Sturgis Motorcycle week is starting the same day we arrive. We decide we must check this out and all the sites are along the way anyway. We checked out Flintstone city (total tourist trap), Crazy Horse (from the side of the road..it was 20 bucks to get in!), and Mt. Rushmore (stealth parking and hiking was involved in getting pics of this one). Sturgis was next and really there are no words to describe the leather-clad, tattooed, rattailed mayhem. The bikes were pretty though and they were EVERYWHERE! The drive up was like playing Frogger. Esti started cursing, "Pick a *^&% lane!!!" After being chased with a water hose, cat-called at, and modeling with hogs we got the heck outta dodge, with Diana driving this time (less R rated commentary).

Wall Drug was next. Its a Pharmacy on steriods. It takes up a whole city block and its filled with all kinds of tourist stuff, photo ops, and singing animatronics. We kicked butt playing Star Wars and Lord of the Rings pinball.

This morning we saw the Corn Palace of Mitchell. Its made of corn, folks. Inside is a basketball stadium/theater turned gift shop. Middle america ROCKS!

pics to follow.

EASTWARD-HO!

We have a winner!

2005-08-05T11:51:00.000-07:00

I guess Best buy can come through for somethings...
Sidney, Nebraska has the best computers yet! Hurray!
Last night was a real bed, real TV and real ability to charge batteries!

Hearst Wondermazement "Swimming in the Night Sky Pool"

Diana swimming in Big Sur

Diana boozin it up at the Quaint village of Carmel, CA

Yummy Green Tea in the Japanese Tea Garden

Turn the corner and bam.. Girl on Cellphone AND cool art.. what more can you ask for in San Fran?

MECCA!!!! That's a girl scout that Esti is drinking in the Bigfoot Lodge! And Bigfoot WAS there!

Another pic of the deterorating "organization" of the car..

LeAnn and Alvin RULE!!! Thanks for letting us stay there so long, And thanks for sending back the "package." I know we said you could keep it, but do you really want a computer that only has Esti's Resume on it? BORING!!

Now if only we could get the pic of the chick with the Aragon t-shirt. With no sense of irony.. hmm...

PORTLAND BREWFEST!!! The other, OTHER mecca!! Alas...we found West Coasters LOVE thier Hops.

A little place in Bend called..the Funny Farm. Some might remember this from our amazing trip to Interlocken..where we stayed at the Funny Farm. Hmm...I think someone is trying to tell us something? PEACE!

Playing the humourous game of "E is for Empty!" Thanks mike!

Ice Caves in Idaho

Trying to take over the world!

Now Entering Butte City

2005-08-01T17:40:00.000-07:00

OOohh Dechutes Beer Tour was fabulous...especially after they liquor you up before the tour even starts. Diana asked lots of questions and learned that yes it is infact hops that she dislikes so much in beer. After the tour we mozied over to Oregon's version of The Funny Farm. Think Wizard of Oz on crack. There were bowling ball plants, a yellow submarine, live crowing roosters, and even a wholy cow. Next stop was the Lava Tube of doooom. We grabbed our trusty maglite and a couple of jackets and made our way down. Oregon, up with the land dwellers, was about 100 degrees. Down in the tube it was a chilly 46....ahhhhh...however it was also pitch dark. Once we were down there we realized how piddling the maglite was and tagged along with an international volunteer group who had the sense to get several lanterns. After stumbling around in the dark for about an hour we came back out to the daylight and headed for Idaho. En-route we realized we were in the middle of Oregon, on a windy dark road...with almost no gas left. The first "town" we hit (by town that means 4 houses and a stray dog) the pump had shut down at 5pm. Typical! So we hold our breath and figure we can make it another 30 miles. By the time we hit the next town, things are dire. We figure if the gas station there is closed we'll just have to camp out for the night and wait till morning. So of course the pump is closed (this was podunk Oregon) and we pull into an RV park. With much eyebatting we manage to get the propriator to sell us the gas he was going to use for his lawnmower..yay! we can make it to the next town where there's a shell station. We make it to the shell station with about 5 minutes till closing and with a full gas tank and some cheetoes we head eastward!

The next town we get to we pull off at the first RV place we find, set up camp and head out to the bar. It was a cross between Cabelas and The Great Outdoors. Deer heads lined the walls and by the bathroom was a bear skin hanging on the wall. FUN! We met two guys, Mike and Sean, who were bicycling across the US. Good god and we thought our butts were pancakes but it was nice to run into some like-minded people.

Quotes Overheard:
"I don't have enough energy to talk good speech"
"I don't understand...why are you traveling like this?"
"Hey lady! watch out for our car! its parked in the middle of the road and you might get stuck going around it!"

Car Games:
Modified Kevin Bacon Game
Spot the Sasquatch
Chipmunk Sudden Death
Bovine Belting
E is for Empty

Watching TV from the Van in the next lane

2005-07-30T11:15:00.000-07:00

Dear RTD,
Reasons why god loves roadtrippers. We have stumbled into heaven in Oregon. RIGHT NOW in Portland is their annual Brewfest. Our beer prayers have been answered! Breweries from all over, all within a block radius. It's amazing the people brewfests pull-outta the woodwork! We met tons of jolly people completly tanked, bartenders, evangelists wanting to save our boozing souls and there were even clean bathrooms! Esti's ratio of good to bad samples was 4:0, Diana's an unfortunate 1:4.. who knew you could go wrong with "Old bastard Ale?" Thank god for sharing!! (Sharing and Shotgunning that is)
Oh yes, and that was just portland!! We have since moved onto Bend, OR. THE microwbrewery CAPITAL!! We wipe the tears of joy away, and gaze clearly on the DeShauntes Beer Tour.

(PS no pictures as of yet.. Because Best Buy does not always have the Best Buys. JERKS!)

Can't hear you! Too much fog between my ears...

2005-07-27T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hearst Castle. It was the Vatican of the US. We ain't whistling dixie here people. That man, he was CRAZY!!! The highlight was at the end when diana asked if she could join the unofficial parties in the "swimming in the night sky" reflective pools. (that took 3 years just to put in all the mosaics! Good lord). Mom, we are shipping you there right now. We think you can live comfortably in one of the closets.

But oh yes. Moving up the coast we have hit the mother load!! We had a lovely dinner of deli and public intoxication in Carmel ("It's quaint" remarked LeAnn) and then a wee little pit stop where diana decided to pee in the wind.. off the cliff...with just a flashlight. That girls got guts, especially when Mac trucks are veering towards our little RAV.

Unfortunatly, as per Roman, we have hit San Fran at the "foggiest" time of the year! Hurray for impulses! Cousins LeAnn and Alvin put us up for ... 3 NIGHTS!! can you believe it? We have actually settled down, in one place, for more that 1 night! ("I let the ants in my pants run free for a bit" says Esti).

San Fransisco was the most awesomist, coolest, superduperest place ever! We even got to work on our ass muscles going up and down the hills! Ahh...shin splints, how we missed thee.

We got into, what is known as "trannie-ville" the first night and stayed in a ADORABLLE hostel (with FREE wireless!.. now that's style) where we met fellow Paul Rueben beer crawl enthusiasts. Shout out to John of manchester & Dave of york!

Our first day we went to the resort area known as Mill Valley.. where LeAnn & Alvin live.. get this, for all you deadheads, they live down the street from Bob Wier and Ann Garcia (jerry's wife). Apparently that's not exactly San Fran, but coming from B-more, it's San Fran to us! We finally were able to spend some time on the beach. The weather was gorgeous but the water was still freezing. Sunday and Monday we explored the city which was fab! Monday night Esti finally realized her dream of getting boozy at the Big Foot Lodge. Sasquatch and jackalopes abound and we shared a girl scout between the two of us....tasty! Our last day in that grand city concluded with a fantastic soire at the Kabuki Spa in Japantown. We got BEATEN into tranquility during shiatsu massages and sweated out the road dirt in the coed communal baths. That sounds bad, but really it was super cool! THANKS DAD!!!

We'll miss you San Francisco but on to Portland! Oh and no pics this time...see the casualty list....

Casualties:
1. Laptop (sad but true. the little fella was left behind at LeAnn and Alvin's. See ya in 3 weeks little buddy!)
2. Banana (Gone, but not forgotten. We'll miss you!)
3. Several M&Ms

Diana's List of Items Lost Within Seconds of Touching:
1. Keys
2. Flashlight (that one was bizarre)
3. Fee Envelope for Camping
4. Hoodie
5. Camera
6. Esti
7. Money
8. Knife

(Diana: I'd just like to say that all these things were found...even though it took 8 times as long to find as it did to loose them. oy.)

MUAHAHA we have escaped baltimore's clutches with coffee and free internet in hand..ONWARD!

DAMN that Hypoglycemia!

2005-07-25T09:45:00.000-07:00

And thank god for Marshmallows! (perfectly melted in the car I might add!)

We have tons of catching up to do! ..we've been in internet withdrawl! Starting with our outings from LA to Vegas BABY!!! Can you say Adult wonderland? I think so! In fact I think the words "free beer if you gamble" sums it up.

But before we get to much ahead, we made a "little" detour to Joshua tree and the Salton Sea. Hmm...too sum up that day... let's say: Salton Sea: Why the hell would anyone go there? Looks like the tourists looked out over the dead fish and flies and decided to BOMB it! (see pictures for proof) and Joshua Tree: CHOLLA!! and HOLY CRAP was it damn hot! Yes mom, it was like 120 degrees..and no, we're not dead. (But we did see an unfortunate frenchman after a cactus attack..).

Once we got to Vegas we stayed in the much famed Circus Circus where the children flowed like the river styx. Ug. Quickly moving out of the mayhem we hit the town!!! Our goal? See as much of vegas as humanly possible from 10pm to 12noon the next day. The first stop was to see the .. um... attractions at Treasure Island (aka TI). They usually have some kind of PG13 show. Little did we know, this time we were guests of a tittie show. Oh my. During the show our running commentary entertained those unaware. Esti suggested cooling people off by tossing them in the moat. Hopkins, our fellow like-minded tourist joined our antics and accompanyed us on our whirlwind "MUST SEEE EVERYTHING" tour. I don't think he knew what he was in for! Vegas was crazy!! They built whole cities in the casinos! we were in Vencie (with the gondolas), Middle East, NY, Egypt, etc. We both won big on the poker machines! All in all we made $4 and 2 free beers together! Ha, we beat the system!

Grand Canyon was our next destination. As you would imagine.. BEAUTIFUL! We kept getting vertigo looking over the cliff. The hike down was excrusheating (especially since our muscle had turned to fat in the car). We met fellow hikers on the way down who got REALLY friendly with the "wild" life, can you say squirrel love? We were on our hour hike straight up, when a young whippersnapper park ranger ran past us trailing "It looks like rain!" behind us. Sure enough we hit ANOTHER thunderstorm. We think it's following us!

Next stop Hearst Castle!!

Creepy bombed out Salton Sea

CHOLLA!!!

Hopkins making Lemonade in the Bellagio!

Indoor Gondolas (they sang too!)

Squirrel heart peanut butter

Esti heart Canyon (and jugs of water)

10 days, and my butts a pancake!

2005-07-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. sorry about the technical difficulties. i think we got it worked out now. Crazy awesome times have been afoot. Esti drove like a demon outta tombstone and we made it to San Diego in 8 hours. She barely gave Diana time to get out and pee! With the help of Pacific time we made it in by 4 and had time to check out the Comic-con. OMG we were like kids in a candy shop!! Klingons, Ugly Dolls, chickens all mingling together in one place. We made it just in time to catch the Adult Swim forum. The creators of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Tom goes to the Mayor, and Robot Chicken (Yeah Seth Green!) were answering questions. At the end of the session the Aqua teen guys had a trivia session where they were handing out toys for right answers. Diana had earlier strategically placed herself towards the front to ask a question so she was in prime position to answer some trivia. By jumping up and down and waving her arms all over the place she caught the attention of Seth Green who pointed and said "hey! call on that chick!". Diana then screamed out an answer at the top of her lungs and was rewarded with aqua teen hunger force action figures!!! weeee!!

That night we met up with Di's friend Rob who had a slammin' pimped out pad in the city. Rob's friend Tom joined up and we went out to paint the town red. After a night of partying we made our way back to the Comic-con and proceeded to paint that red! Esti met her idols Darren Arnofsky & James Jean and Di got to meet the guys from Dumbrella, yay! There was also two close encounters with Kevin Smith, a rockin concert by Tenacious D, and we were 2 feet away from Ann Eisner (who just looked like a little old biddy).

By Sunday it was time to move on up the coast and we headed out to Chrissy and Andrew's in LA. There was a brief stint at LegoLand and then we were in the land of fake lips and boobs. The chinese theater was gorgeous and the movie wasn't too bad either.

Since it was like 90º in the valley, Andrew & Chrissy took us on a whirlwind tour of the beaches of LA (you could drive for hours and hit MAYBE a 1/3 of LA!). we went to Venice, and muscle beach..and yep! We ran into Jack Black! Ok, well, he was a few feet away, but it was still him!
We ran like little kiddies towards the water to dip our toesies into the pacific ocean. It would have been fabulous except for the fact that the air temp was a nice 70º! Tomorrow Vegas Baby!

the Manns chinese theater

as far as we got to legoland...

Elvis trooper
(he had his own trading card)

DUMBRELLA!

scifi at the convention

The trailer we stayed in..

White sands (we lost diana for a while .. she was wearing white!)

found porn at the space museum

cool bar in cloudcroft!

crazy alien conspiracy guy, preaching about jesus and aliens

Weee is for West

2005-07-15T08:49:00.000-07:00

Oh thank god for internet. Who knew that Tombstone had made its way into the 21st century! Lets see, its been 3 states since the last post, Texas, New Mexico, and now Arizona. Texas was insane. Nothing out there but flatness and the worlds biggest cross (pictures to post later). We camped out in Palo Dura Canyon on Tuesday night. It was very pleasant until Esti smacked me awake around 1am to yell that we had to throw the fly on the tent because a massive lightning and thunderstorm was coming through. Thunder through a canyon is pretty intense to say the least but then when the coyotes started howling the creep factor went up to 10!

The next morning it was blazing hot and we headed out to Roswell, NM. Of course by the time we got there everything had closed since it was 5pm. Where are we?!? things closing at 5pm? sheesh. Little podunk towns are making me miss DC. Anyways, we rushed through Roswell and headed up into the mountains (yes there are mountains in NM) where the tempurature dropped about 40 degrees. We hit up a local bar and made friends with some Texans who were there vacationing. Man they must have been pool sharks, we lost royally.

Thursday was White Sands and wowee! It was a desert of..well...white sand. Yay for national parks where you can run amock! We made it to Arizona last night and stayed in a vintage trailer from the 50s. Esti made jiffy pop on the gas stove and i entertained myself with an old viewfinder binocular thingy. We settled in for a relaxing night until esti jumped a mile high and scared the crap outta me. We had a very large visitor with eight legs. fun stuff.

Lessons Learned:
1. Clean the windshield of bugs fairly regularly...otherwise they start to pile up.
2. Time Zones are not always where you think they are.
3. Its hard to know you're speeding when the landscape NEVER CHANGES!

Music:
God lives under water
the police
fiona apple
gorillas
local stations
mix cds

Day 2 & 3 “Obey God’s words”

2005-07-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

Day 2 & 3 “Obey God’s words”

We’ve hit the red states. We’ve increased the Jewish population by 200%…where’s our damn parade? After we left Springfield #1 (Ohio) we made our way west to Springfield #2 (Illinois). We met with the other 2 Jews from the state, our own relatives Edward & Sonia Gerson. We had a really nice visit with them. They showed us the new Lincoln Museum and we had a tour of Downtown Springfield before a much-needed belly busting dinner at Olive Garden. St. Louis was the next stop… only 2 hrs. in the car! Thanks Karen & Kevin for the place to crash, but no thanks to you Kia (their dog) for sitting on Diana’s head at the buttcrack of dawn. Literally. (Only this time no bribing, just beer buying). City Museum was awesome! We bullied our way past the snotty kids and took full advantage of the gerbil tubes. Esti patiently stared at Diana’s butt, since she was there a month before. Said our goodbyes to K-squared and took gift of Schlafly’s beer back on the road! It seems like the farther we enter “god’s country” the more Adult store we see. In fact the last 3 were Superstores (with the obligatory billboard “pornography hurts everyone”

Lessons learned
-Secure your wallet in your pants at the City Museum
-Jesus said Guns save Lives
-Gerbil tube concussions are fun (that means Esti drives)
-Oh yeah, NO WHITE CASTLE (the place that shall not be named)
-Not all Truck Drivers are men (just 99.9% of them)

Casualties
Still no banana
Several Carrots
Brain cell disappearance, no thanks to City museum
½ the gorp
Diana’s wallet was taken off the casualty list earlier today

Music
Bjork
Gorillaz
Built to Spill
Badly Drawn boyLocal Radio

2005-07-10T23:30:00.000-07:00

Day 1 "everything looks like chicken" Dear Roadtrip Diary, (RT for brevity's sake!) We're off to a good start. Esti stayed below the 90 speed limit! It's been 24 hours and we've seen 4 states so far and it looks like a tornado hit the truck. The first casualty to be lost to the truck vortex (very similar to the laundry sock vortex) was Esti's breakfast banana ("I miss it." sighed Esti). Our first stop was Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water, where we narrowly escaped the movie of doom! We could appreciate his vision because he embraced nature rather than bulldozing it over like f*ing Walmart! Diana had hallucinations of chickens lurking in every room. "This teapot looks like a chicken!" "Is this lighter a chicken?" "CHICKEN!!" We enjoyed the herb garden and the 2 cm high toilets. After PB&J sandwiches made with a pilfered knife we piled back in the RAV and continued westward bound. Somewhere between PA and WV Esti scared the crap out of driving Diana with her war cry, "CABELA'S!!". To which Diana replied, "JESUS CHRIST!! What the hell is cabela's?!" Only the best hunting amusement park, EVER! Its beyond description. They even had their own dead dear museum with and animatronic fun-loving hunter. (We parked in row F). Then came the daunting task of finding a place to camp around Columbus at around 11pm. We stumbled onto Buckeye State Park where the campgrounds just happened to be at full occupancy. Diana used her wily ways to pirate our way onto a place to call home for the night. (possession is 90% of the law!). Getting up the next day at 8am and on the road by 9 was a feat for the Gersons! Lessons Learned: 1. DO NOT EAT AT WHITE CASTLE...EVEEERRRRRR!!!! 2. A little campsite bribery goes a long way. 3. Do not take your eyes off of your banana. 4. Everything is NOT a chicken ("It is!!" said Diana) Music So Far: Oranges Band Spoon Beta Band Alien Ant Farm The Cars Radiohead

Lessons learned.
DO NOT EAT AT WHITE CASTLE EVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!
A little campsite bribery goes a long way.
Do not take you eyes of your banana!
Everything is NOT a chicken (“It is!” Diana said)

Music so far
Oranges Band
Spoon
Beta Band
Alien Ant Farm
The CarsRadiohead